Monday, January 25, 2010

Inner Turmoil

I have this problem. I'm too competitive. Sure, I come off as a nice, sweet girl. Inside, I'm actually quite evil. Ok, I'm not evil, but I really really really like to win. I get very upset with myself when I do not "win". I want to be the best. Let me clarify what I mean by winning. I don't necessarily mean beating others, but I also mean bettering myself, setting PR's, etc. All my friends know this about me. I'm Jekyll and Hyde.

As my shoulder is slowly getting better, I am able to do more and more in the gym. Thank goodness. The past few months have been complete torture on me. Watching everyone else go for it, hit new PR's, get better...and I am...healing. I'm having trouble reeling myself in. Do I go for it and lift heavy because I feel "OK" or do I do the smart thing and continue to build back up slowly so I don't re-injure myself. Of course, my brain wins out, but believe me it is an inner battle every day I walk into that gym. To not be able to put "as Rx'd" by my time everyday anymore makes me want to scream.

I'm so lucky to workout with a phenomenal group of females. Seriously, I know some gyms have some good girls, but I know our group is one of the best. Any of us could beat another on any given day. It keeps us motivated and working hard. To all my fellow CFJ ladies, thank you for kicking butt. You are all awesome.

The inner turmoil doesn't just happen when I step into the gym, it happens every day when I think about what I put in my mouth. Every day a sales rep brings in a plate of cookies or bagels. Every time my boss brings in a new batch of twizzlers (my absolute favorite mind you). Mental toughness. That is what it takes to be great. Diligence, patience and flat out hard work.

You don't lose fat and get a six pack by eating well some of the time. You don't get a sub four minute Fran by going to the gym and working hard every now and then. Five seconds...I just need to drop five more seconds...Those are all things I'm still striving for and I will continue working hard to achieve. This inner turmoil will make me better. It is teaching me patience and that when you are down you are not out. You just have to be smart.

Slow and steady wins the race. Be awesome today.

Zucchini noodles for dinner tonight. Can't wait.

1 comment:

  1. Ginny, you are back and kicking some serious ass! You have bounced back so fast! You are my inspiration, as I am now dealing with what I believe to be an impinged shoulder. No more overhead squats for me for a long time. Or push-ups, dips and burpees. I am sad, but you made it through. So, I am counting on that.