I’m taking a bit of a deviation from my typical paleo post for today. My mind has been spinning the last few weeks. There are a lot of changes coming up for me in the next couple of months. We’re moving to a completely different and very cold part of the country. We’re leaving jobs, friends, family…pretty much life as I currently know it. I put on a happy face about it because I really am excited, but I’m also terrified. For some reason fear gets the best of me sometimes. I don’t like to fail. I don’t like to appear weak. I know I am a strong person, but I am human. I get insecure. I get scared.
This morning I got up and I checked the CFJ website as I do every morning to see today’s WOD. The first thing I read, 30 handstand push ups. My first thought, “Crap!” A big weakness and also something I really need to keep improving. The last few weeks my shoulder has been acting up again. It has made me fearful. Fearful of ripping into muscle ups, of pushing the heck out of the ground coming out of a handstand, of getting under heavy weight on a push jerk. I’m not normally like that. I normally have the attitude that nothing will beat me, but after being rendered useless for three months last year because of the injury that is all I can think about. I get really mad at myself for it too. I’m so much tougher mentally than that. I can do and have done all of those things before. There is absolutely no reason to be scared. It is time to snap out of this funk.
Later this morning I checked the main site and noticed our workout today was also a main site workout. Then I noticed a picture of a girl that I know I had seen before. I remember when her profile was posted on the 2009 Games site prior to the CrossFit Games last year. Her name is Amanda Miller. She died on Friday from Melanoma. She was three years younger than me. We have the same birthday. Last year she competed in the Games. There was a link to her blog on the main site so I started reading. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Here was a picture of an incredibly strong, vibrant woman sprinting up a hill with a sandbag around her neck and less than a year later she is gone. The battle she went through, how she kept pushing and pushing despite pain and also how incredibly positive and strong she sounded through the entire ordeal was amazing to read. I didn't know Amanda, but it still really got to me. Here is a link to her blog so you can read it for yourself.
I’m not trying to be dramatic or incredibly inspirational, but I wanted to share all of that because the mindset you choose makes all the difference. I know my fear and what she was facing cannot even be compared to each other, but I can take a good lesson from how she handled what she went through. I choose to be positive. I choose to not be scared. Amanda did the same thing. She lost her life in the end, but she lived. I’m sure she was terrified through the process, but from what I can tell she didn’t live like she was terrified. She continued to work and push to get stronger despite what she was going through with her disease. I'm blessed to be healthy. I should wake up everyday thanking God for giving me another day to do what I love. I can run, jump, laugh, dance when I get muscle up and live my life. Yes, I'm leaving everything I know, but I will still be me no matter where I am. Life continues. We should all be grateful for the gifts we have been given and never lose sight of what is truly important.
No matter what you are going through professionally, personally, in the gym, with friends, choose to be happy. Choose to be positive. Good things will come from it. The outcome might not always be what you want or expect, but at least you can say you gave it your all and you had a good attitude. You will inspire others in the process just like Amanda inspired me today.